I remember being young and fighting every single nap time in preschool, daycare, and kindergarten. I remember whimpering when my parents held true to my 8:30pm bedtime. I just wanted to stay up and play with the adults, I didn’t get why I had to go to bed. I imagined that my parents were having candy and ice cream parties. I could hear soft jazz playing in the living room and muffled conversations that had a healthy sprinkling of laughter, singing and silly noises. I felt like I was missing out on so much. It wasn’t until Jr. High that I started to stay up late for school work and honestly I thought I was a grown up for not complaining. Then high school I stayed up for cram sessions, reports, homework and started to get that sleep was a valuable commodity. Still I would stay up Friday and Saturday in attempts to spend time with my mom and grandmother or with my friends. I had a strict curfew, one that my mom would tell my friends and their parents so that they knew she meant business.

One year I had insomnia, probably had something to do with the 3-5 cups of coffee that I was drinking every day in my sophomore year of high school. I remember accidentally waking up my mom vacuuming at 1am. She let me know that I was only allowed to do dishes, wipe down counters and dust if I insisted on staying up that late doing chores. Clearly my mom was no fool, never tell a teenager to stop cleaning.

I went into a culinary program at the local city college and was in school 40 hours a week. I got in the habit of waking up early daily (classes started at 6:30am). I would go home and study, and have catering events at school regularly. I was a teenager so I would also attempt to have a social life on the weekends minus the class work and catering events. I finished the culinary program and was a baker at a buji organic grocery store so again I was keeping early hours. I would still try to go out with friends at night even though I was up 4am to work. I was a HUGE fan of the power nap.

I changed careers shortly after getting married and was getting used to 8-5 work day but still known to wake up at 3:30am often due to my previous career. I had health issues and all I did was sleep for 6-8 hours a couple years, which for me is decadent.

Now I’m a mom, with a newborn (how long do you get to claim that?) and a toddler which means that I’m up by 7am every day and juggling everyone’s needs and wants. I look forward to my toddler’s bed time on the crazy days when both boys seem to have arranged their meltdowns so I can have a stereo experience. Then I get to play the power nap game through the night. I miss naps, I miss long stretches of sleep. Hell I miss sleep in general.

Dear Sleep, I miss you love and know one day we will be reunited. I’m guessing it will be about two years but when we are together again it will be fireworks and a crescendo of beautiful music.

Love, me