I have been playing on a baby board since before my precious baby boy was conceived. I have gotten to know quite a few women on these boards over the past three years, as much as you can get to know someone on a board on the internet. Over the past few months I have read about pregnancy losses, from a chemical pregnancies to still births and after reading every single one I am left just heartbroken.
Generally after reading about another e-friend loosing a child that they hoped for I close my laptop and focus on my son. Generally when I do this I either get kisses or pushed away as I have interrupted some of his quality play time that he enjoys doing alone. He seems perfectly happy in his own little world knowing that mom or dad are close and ready to give him our full attention when he needs it.
Now as I read about yet another e-friend loosing her child late in her pregnancy, I am starting to just wonder why I am so selfish. Why am I so focused on having another child? Why is that the ongoing monologue going on in my mind? I am so worried about giving my precious, beautiful baby boy a sibling. Shouldn’t I simply happy, with the blessing that I have been bestowed by having him and leave it at one child?
Sigh. Kinda makes me want to drop my over analyzing, what if’s of having another child and just enjoy the child that I have been fortunate to have.
To those women that I have read and posted to in their sad time after losing that child that they had hoped to have for so long: You amaze me in your strength. I hope nothing but the best for you and your families, and (((((Hugs))))).