I’ve been asked this question numerous times and usually shrug and say, “I don’t know. I just do.”
I have been teased for years by my husband as I have memories, vivid memories, from two years old if not younger. I have asked my mom about them and she is always caught off guard when I give specific details and she can remember said incident. Every now and again I catch my father off guard with my memory. My sister has told me that it shouldn’t be possible and yet I catch her off guard with the accuracy of my memories.
Last night I clutched my husband’s hand watching Grey’s Anatomy season finale, and he kept asking me if I should be watching it due to some of my life experiences. Too many bad experiences through family with guns, which is a cruel irony considering only one family member owned a gun and it was only for the sport of hunting. Then in attempts to prevent me waking him up with nightmares he sat and chit chatted with me to see why I was upset when I was upset.
Maybe that is why my memories are so vivid from so long ago. So many traumatic or dramatic things occurred throughout my childhood so it is hard not to remember some of the simple aspects of my life around said memories. My husband shook his head as I explained that when I was very young I was convinced that much of life wasn’t real, couldn’t be because those kinds of things don’t happen around little kids. He shook his head because he was disturbed by my recounting of some of the sadder or scarier memories. My parents did all they could to protect me but sadly no matter how hard they tried, life happened and I saw things and experienced things beyond their control.
Maybe this is why the life of a stay at home mom looked so attractive when we were dating, and I was 19 years old, why marriage was an amazing and exciting when I was 20. Maybe this is why after eight years of marriage, and nearly two children later (T will be an outside baby soon) I consider my life beautiful and amazing and incredibly exciting. I had already lived a very full and exciting life and was ready to slow the hell down.
Yes, I remember that, in great detail. I remember using my smurf vacuum I got when I was two in my grandfather’s house. I remember the original lay out so well that when I walked through his remodeled home nearly a decade later I was able to show my mother how it used to be laid out to a T. Then recount my memory of my great aunt in the kitchen cooking.
Yeah, I keep hoping I will continue to add to my vivid memories, even though things aren’t as traumatic or dramatic. I’m loving the calm that has occurred in my life, and I hope it continues.