How Does It Feel?

- - posted in Personal Expressions | Comments

I get this question often. May it be about how it feels to be mixed in race, being in an ‘interracial’ marriage (not sure about that definition as both my husband and I are Caucasian but if the Mexican and African American throws you off :shrugs:), being married, being a mom, being pregnant, and being sick. I get this question often.

I have an illness. I was diagnosed three years ago with Multiple Sclerosis. I have to admit that day is etched in my memory with amazing clarity. I had found out I was pregnant just a couple weeks before. I had been seeing doctors and doing tests like it was my full time job for months prior to that. We had been searching for an answer as to why my health problems seemed to be getting worse in waves and then suddenly improving with time and rest for five years. I was just going to be happy with an answer at this point, was ready to welcome any answer that verified that my health problems were real and had a name. I walked in the room with my heart beating hard and waited. The neurologist took a deep breath and told me I had Multiple Sclerosis. My husband and I sighed a sigh of relief and laughed. I think we caught my doctor off guard. She didn’t know us that well, I had only been seeing her for a few months. I was referred to her as my local neurologist wanted more input on my case. She explained why she thought this was an accurate diagnosis, that I have a ‘light’ case and started to talk about treatment and medication.

I stopped her in her tracks when I let her know that I was pregnant. She smiled and gave us multiple pamphlets and wished us luck in our endeavors to care for our unborn child and my ill body. I’m not going to lie. I read through the pamphlets decided on the course of action I wanted to take and let the paper work collect dust. I was just too excited to be expecting my first child, our first child. :smiles: I felt really good for the first time in months. I was explained that pregnancy has been known to stop this disease if not improve the life of one with this disease. I was apparently one of the latter.

I had my baby, my beautiful baby boy. One year passes and I saw my neurologist (my local one) and he asked me when I was going to either start medication or get pregnant again. I looked at my husband who was grinning from ear to ear…I knew what he wanted. I knew what I wanted and I told my doctor that I think we will be trying to conceive instead of taking medication. My doctor smiled and said ok. Nine months later I found out I was pregnant our second. My health is ok, aside from the usual morning sickness, aches and pains of pregnancy and trying to keep up with an active toddler I have my hands full.

I have, since getting my diagnosis, got lots of questions. I know there is so much information out there, a lot of dark and scary information. I have dealt with just being tired all the time, finding out my limitations where greater than I ever imagined. I have dealt with the aches and pains, the frustration when my body just demands that I stop or else. The repercussions of doing too much in a day and paying for it for the next week. The long list of vague and annoying symptoms when I am at my worst. I don’t like to answer those questions. I have been blessed in so many different ways, I have a wonderful family, incredible husband and amazing children (yes I’m making that assumption even before my second child is born because he already brings me so much joy). I am thankful for all that I have, and I’m determined not to allow health issues to stop that. Though in my endevors of reading on mulitple forums I was shown this and the next time someone asks how it is, or what it’s like to live with these challenges I think I will point them to this as it describes life with a long term illness: