I have been having a whole lot of epiphanies of late. Be it about the new chores I have to take care of, I’m still figuring all that out but to be honest I am really getting the hang of them. I am still learning to change with Q’s wants and needs. I’m sure all these years of learning and growing with the hubs has helped me a great deal. I’m still trying to figure out life and the meaning of it for me and my role as mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter and grand daughter. I’m thinking that I may have to continue to experiment.

I’m starting to realize all over again that I know nothing at all. I keep learning more and more and feeling like maybe I have a handle on life and then again I find myself surprised and feeling clueless all over again.

What brought all this on? I’m at a new cross roads. In the not too distant future we will be welcoming a new family member to our home and I’m still trying to figure out just how we will approach this change. The first question everyone has is how am I going to go about my recover from delivery. I am sure that this time I will do all I can not to try to jump back into full swing of things until a couple weeks postpartum. I’m simply determined to focus on my new beautiful addition and my beautiful big boy and my incredible husband.

The other question that keeps coming up is will I be working after having our newest bundle of joy and I have yet to figure out the answer to that one. The hubs has made his decision and though I think it is sweet I’m not sure if that works best for our family. We shall see.

I guess it all goes back to the entire stay at home mom vs. the working mom debate. I love contributing financially to my family. I love my job. Don’t get me wrong, my job is tough, even stressful but I do get something out of my job that is really satisfying. On the other hand, the idea of staying home with my babies, keeping a home and leaving the money making to the hubs is exciting. There is so much I fee like I am missing from the day to day with my toddler. I can only imagine what I would miss from his relationship with his newest sibling. I enjoyed my 10 weeks home with Q and I am excited about having at least as much time with our newest baby. I’m already dreading leaving my boys for work. But there is still the question if I will be as good of a mom without work. I am able to drop everything quickly to play with or cuddle my son. Will I be so quick to do that without my working? Do I get some kind of down time or selfish time when at work when all I have to think about is work and the goal directly in front of me?

The epiphany here is that maybe just maybe things in this aspect of life aren’t so straight forward. If you asked me five years ago I would have told you that I had every intention of being a stay at home mom from the moment I found out that I was pregnant. That I just couldn’t ever imagine working once I had my first child. Now, shockingly, I have no idea what the plan is while I am expecting my second child. I just want what is best for my family and I am still trying to figure out just what that means to our family.

I’m still trying to figure out what is best for me. With my myriad of health problems I know that pushing too hard is a huge detriment to myself. I’m starting to really take the time to stop and rest. I’m figuring out what my body needs and how to meet those needs. I’m learning to put myself as a priority, which is incredibly hard as a mother.

The big epiphany is there is just so much to figure out and that I may NEVER figure it all out and that is ok. That is half the fun of this ride we call life. Don’t worry, in time you will hear me spout lots of stories about my boobies again. What did you think I would post without mentioning my boobs? LOL! Yeah, no, not going to happen, after all I’m a mom. :-P